A letter on the Middle East

A letter in a national paper published today:

'Sir - Iran is backing Assad. Gulf States are against Assad.
Assad is against Muslim Brotherhood. Muslim Brotherhood and Obama are against General Sisi.
But Gulf States are pro-Sisi! Which means they are against Muslim Brotherhood!
Iran is pro-Hamas, but Hamas is backing Muslim Brotherhood!
Obama is backing Muslim Brotherhood, yet Hamas is against the US!
Gulf States are pro-US. But Turkey is with Gulf States against Assad yet Turkey is pro Muslim Brotherhood against General Sisi. And General Sisi is being backed by the Gulf States.
Welcome to the Middle East and have a nice day.
KN Al-Sabah, London'

Edinburgh Fringe Top 10 Jokes 2013

Comedian Rob Auton has won an award for the funniest joke of the Edinburgh Fringe 2013 say the BBC.

The 30-year-old, from York, was given the prize by digital TV channel Dave, whose panel put a selection of their favourites to a public vote.

He won for the joke: "I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa."

The top 10 funniest included jokes by Tim Vine and Marcus Brigstocke.

The judges sat through hours of material before nominating their favourite three gags for the shortlist.

The top 10 were:

Rob Auton - "I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa."

Alex Horne - "I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It was sole-destroying."

Alfie Moore - "I'm in a same-sex marriage... the sex is always the same."

Tim Vine - "My friend told me he was going to a fancy dress party as an Italian island. I said to him 'Don't be Sicily'."

Gary Delaney - "I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell."

Phil Wang - "The Pope is a lot like Doctor Who. He never dies, just keeps being replaced by white men."

Marcus Brigstocke - "You know you are fat when you hug a child and it gets lost."

Liam Williams - "The universe implodes. No matter."

Bobby Mair - "I was adopted at birth and have never met my mum. That makes it very difficult to enjoy any lapdance."

Chris Coltrane - "The good thing about lending someone your time machine is that you basically get it back immediately."

MP's Pay facts and figures - pure greed

Well it will be more than a little upsetting if the "independent" body who sets them pay gives them a whacking pay rise up from a minimum £66,000 to £75,000.

From Guido Fawkes

First the facts and figures; MPs are paid a handsome £66,396 plus another £14,582 if they chair one of the 39 Select Committees. If they number among the 169 MPs who are ministers they also receive extra payments to compensate them for the burdens of the Red Box. If they make it to Cabinet they add an additional £68,827 – more than doubling their MP’s salary to £134,565. In short whereas the basic pay of an MP is more than triple the average £19,000 income of UK workers, almost a third of MPs are earning between 4 and 7 times average earnings. This is of course before any outside earnings are taken into account.

Living in The Now

I like this poem even if it comes from an advert. See the add on YouTube from the link below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIEuXitG-Vo

The words to the Magners Ad poem




"Now is a good time"

When yesterday's gone and tomorrow is near,
Why look for a thing when it's already here.
And tell me you never once asked yourself how
Some people end up in the middle of the now.
Now is the beat of the feet on the floor,
Now is the then we were all waiting for.
It's the strike of the luck.
It's the go with the flow.
It's the sharing the luck with the people we know.
See, a wise fool once said,
Kinda out of the blue,
That life is a dream
That's already come true.
It's less of the what and the where and the how,
It's more of the you and the me and the now.

(Composed specially for a television ad campaign on behalf of Magners Original Irish cider 2013)

Cameron's problem encapsulated by Montegomerie

Tim Montgomerie (former editor of the conservative home website) in this mornings Times sums up what the Tory base thinks Cameron has done. This coalition Government has faced a very very difficult economic climate but Cameron has also not been Mr Perfect when it comes to dealing with his base support hence the further collapse in Tory membership. Going into coalition was also the best thing ever for UKIP but still I reckon below is a decent stab at how the base feel:

"Spend most of your time as Tory leader ignoring the issue that matters most to your activist members: Europe. Launch your bid to be leader by promising to introduce a tax allowance for married couples and then, once you’ve won power, fail to deliver that pledge at four successive Budgets. Tell parents that they can set up any school they want as long as it’s not the one they most want, a grammar school.

Stop Gordon Brown holding a honeymoon election in 2007 by promising to abolish inheritance tax but then put it up in office. Spend the general election campaign talking about an issue that no one understands — the Big Society — and don’t talk about immigration, an issue that three-quarters of voters do care about. Subsidise expensive renewable energies at a time when families are struggling to pay their electricity bills.

Form a coalition with the Liberal Democrats even though 80 per cent of your members want you to lead a minority government. Promise not to reorganise the NHS, then reorganise it anyway. Oppose press regulation but then embrace it. Keep pledging to tackle European human rights laws but do nothing when Abu Qatada proves again and again that Britain is run by inventive lawyers rather than democratically-drafted laws.

Insist that you want to reach out to northern and poorer parts of Britain but stuff your Downing Street operation with southern chums who attended the same elite private schools as you. And, just for good measure, insult people who normally vote for your party as clowns, fruitcakes and closet racists."

Read the rest of the article behind the Times pay wall
here.